After a long time I had an opportunity to parse through all my previous posts. Right from the first blog to the latest one, I read it all. Not only did I read all my previous posts word for word but I read all the comments that were interspersed in between.
It was a refreshing experience as well as an exercise on introspection. It literally was a step by step diary of the evolution of my mind through these three years (almost three!). The first thing that I had to analyze was that how far a changed man was I through this whole period? Was I an idiot before and grown to be a wise man? Or was I a wise man earlier and grown into an idiot?
Other questions followed too. Now that I was reading my own posts, I at times felt as to why would I write such a thing? But this answer was clear enough. I could recall each of the motivations/momentous bursts of creativity that made me write those posts. If you would have read all my posts you would realize that my posts meander from observation to critical thinking. But yes, I could recollect the reasons for writing each one of my blogposts.
I could also see that previously there was a rash character into my posts. Youthful exuberance or youthful immaturity is for you to decide. But yes there is a sense of finality to my opinions that I have expressed in some of the matters which I now think I rather should not have done. As with the planet, animals and alike, our mind evolves too. People change as they grow. So opinions are bound to differ from one point in time to another.
I feel that I have mellowed down in my writing. Not in terms of content but in terms of tone and style. I do believe that it is a result of the conscious decision to edit and re-edit my blogs for grammatical errors, complex sentences and the pursuit of simplicity with minimum usage of complex words. I don’t claim my posts to be error free, but yes I do feel that the magnitude has gone down.
Experiences have made my blog the way it is today. I do like to ponder about little things which are mostly inconsequential. But our lovely mind likes to wander and thus the relations and analogies in my blogs. Most of you have enjoyed it, but in the same breath I admit some of you did not.
I remain a voracious reader as always.
Lately I have also ventured into short story writing on another blog of mine, the link for which you will find at the bottom of the page.
On introspection it has been a good journey so far. Thanks to all the people who have commented on my blogs. You all are a very integral part in what I feel I have accomplished so far. Your comments and brickbats, as always, are most solicited.
Just before I end this here I recollect one sentence from the book ‘Alchemy of Desire’ by Tarun Tejpal. The main protagonist is a writer himself. He says that the best of writers don’t put their creative words immediately on realization of an idea but over a period of time in a soft , leaky sort of way. They make fewer errors that way and are clear in the thought process while writing. This advice has stayed with me since. It works.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Friday, September 05, 2008
Just Wondering
Place. My room.
My roommate had the remote. He was flipping through the channels, while I was listening to music on my lappie. And it was going like this for quite some time.
Call it timing, or pure luck but my friend had stopped at a music channel and at the same moment the song ended and stopped playing on my lappie.
At that moment we both were listening to that one song on TV. Nothing else made a sound. Nothing even moved. Except for the song playing and the ceiling fan rotating everything else was silent. It made for a surreal setting.
That moment seemed as if stuck in twilight.
That moment went away as swiftly as it had come. My roommates fingers twitched on the remote again, the T.V humbly followed and changed the channel.
The situation was like this, we both were given a choice at that instant. We both gave a precious 30 seconds of our mortal life listening to the song. He chose not to listen to it, while I chose that I wanted to listen. But he had the remote and he changed the channel, leaving me with the thoughts as to whether I would be able to hear this song again. I could not catch the name of the song, nor the band, nor the lyrics, nor any clue. All I could catch was a lovely tune which was now lost in time.
I began to wonder, how many times in our lives do we have to face a similar situation. Just as my roommate had the control over the infinitesimally small moment, similarly at times other forces too control our lives and destiny for a certain amount of time. But it makes a lot of difference and at times it leaves a lasting impression.
Just as I had compromised on my choice, I wonder how many people had to compromise because of one or many unwanted compulsions in their lives. How many people did not take up a nice lucrative job because their wives were pregnant? How many people would have just picked up a piece of expensive jewellery and put it back again just because they could not afford it? How many people could not marry somebody whom they loved just because they did not say it?
How many, just how many were forced to do something they otherwise would not have done? Just because at that moment the remote control of their lives were not with them but with somebody else? How cruel and helpless it feels knowing that for that particular moment you are not in control of your own destiny?
And in some situations you are no longer in control for the rest of your life.
Just wondering.....
Life goes on as it usually does.
My roommate had the remote. He was flipping through the channels, while I was listening to music on my lappie. And it was going like this for quite some time.
Call it timing, or pure luck but my friend had stopped at a music channel and at the same moment the song ended and stopped playing on my lappie.
At that moment we both were listening to that one song on TV. Nothing else made a sound. Nothing even moved. Except for the song playing and the ceiling fan rotating everything else was silent. It made for a surreal setting.
That moment seemed as if stuck in twilight.
That moment went away as swiftly as it had come. My roommates fingers twitched on the remote again, the T.V humbly followed and changed the channel.
The situation was like this, we both were given a choice at that instant. We both gave a precious 30 seconds of our mortal life listening to the song. He chose not to listen to it, while I chose that I wanted to listen. But he had the remote and he changed the channel, leaving me with the thoughts as to whether I would be able to hear this song again. I could not catch the name of the song, nor the band, nor the lyrics, nor any clue. All I could catch was a lovely tune which was now lost in time.
I began to wonder, how many times in our lives do we have to face a similar situation. Just as my roommate had the control over the infinitesimally small moment, similarly at times other forces too control our lives and destiny for a certain amount of time. But it makes a lot of difference and at times it leaves a lasting impression.
Just as I had compromised on my choice, I wonder how many people had to compromise because of one or many unwanted compulsions in their lives. How many people did not take up a nice lucrative job because their wives were pregnant? How many people would have just picked up a piece of expensive jewellery and put it back again just because they could not afford it? How many people could not marry somebody whom they loved just because they did not say it?
How many, just how many were forced to do something they otherwise would not have done? Just because at that moment the remote control of their lives were not with them but with somebody else? How cruel and helpless it feels knowing that for that particular moment you are not in control of your own destiny?
And in some situations you are no longer in control for the rest of your life.
Just wondering.....
Life goes on as it usually does.
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